[Featurama] Twinfinite Staff Enrolls In XCOM

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If you haven’t played XCOM: Enemy Unknown yet, you really should. The strategy and RPG elements are great to play around with. The best thing about XCOM though, is being able to name soldiers after people you know. In this case, I named my entire army after my coworkers here at Twinfinite. This will be updated every couple of days as I progress through the game. Hit the jump to see which of the staff dies and which ones you would want repelling an alien invasion.

UPDATE (12/4):

-Newest missions are at the top of the page. Older debreifing notes will be in blue, while updates notes will be in black.

-Finally progressed in the story this week. Some of the younger guys got field experience because the higher ranked guys *COUGH*Mike*COUGH*Keith*COUGH* are getting petulant and careless. Hit the jump for more details!

 

Week 5-

Operation Secret Hymn:
*Abductions mission*
-Mike: Finds Floaters and kills one. Throws down a smoke grenade to give Keith and Chris some cover. Takes a shot at a Floater but misses. Angry, he activates his Canada powers to curve the bullets and kills a Floater in cover.
-Yami: Kills a Floater then runs through fire to get to cover. Gives away her position when she misses a Floater. Gets suppressed from two different sides. Does THIS and somehow kills a Floater.
-Keith: Runs around in circles while getting shot at. Gets poisoned by Thin Man but suppresses him so someone else can finish him off.
-Trey: Played Angry Birds on his iPhone.
-Brett: Watches Braveheart in the Skyranger before the mission to pump himself up. Snipes a Floater then throws a battle scanner to find other hostiles. Snipes Thin Man and Floater with one bullet. Goes back to the ship and winds down by watching Finding Nemo.
-Chris: Finds a bunch of Thin Men playing marbles and curb stomps one. Kills Keith’s suppressed Thin Man. On the way back to the ship he kills a Floater.

Operation Hot Flame:
*Alien base assault*
-Mike: Hit twice but heals himself. Blind spray at Chryssalid and misses. Runs over to Keith and heals him. Kills a Muton and wounds another one. Blindly walks into Chryssalid birthday party and steps on the cake. Gets hit by a Droid. Taking fire, he heals himself then pops out to shoot down Drone. Avoids getting mid controlled by screaming out Canadian national anthem and thinking about moose, Mounties, and maple syrup. Wounds Sectoid Commander but gets hit. Sneaks up to Sectoid Commander and captures it.
-Yami: Empties shotgun into Chyssalid and kills it. Avoids gunfire. Tries to shoot a Thin Man from across the base and gets poisoned. Kills Thin Man and goes on Overwatch. Tries another long range shotgun blast and gets hit. Starts playing Beyonce to get her groove back. Kills Chryssalid and Drone. Misses Sectoid Commander but avoids fire and gets to cover. Spends the rest of the mission just listening to Beyonce.
-Keith: Wounds Chrysslaid. Poisoned and hit trying to get to cover. Wounds another Chryssalid. Misses a Muton but avoids return fire. Blind sprays from behind cover and luckily kills Drone and wounds Chryssalid. Tries to finish it off but it runs away.
-Trey: Wounds Chryssalid. About to finish it off when he notices Mike injured so he heals him. Shoots at flash of movement and headshots a Thin Man. Snipes wounded Chryssalid. Gets too excited and misses shot on Muton. Yami slaps him. Snipes Muton and Drone. Runs out of sniper rounds. Wounds Sectoid Commander with his pistol.
-Brett: Kills Sectoid on reaction shot. Snipes second Sectoid. Kills Muton. Snipes second Muton from across ship. Bullet goes through Muton and wounds Chryssalid. Headshots Chryssalid. Starts to go a little crazy and wounds Sectoid Commander by throwing his gun at it.
-Chris: Wounds Chryssalid then flanks and kills it. Crit hits Chryssalid but misses his finishing shot. Wounds Muton and crit hits another one by kicking it in the junk. Kills a Muton that flanked Mike before it can hurt him. Kills Chryssalid and smoke grenades Mike to let him sneak up to Sectoid Commander.

Sectoid Commander

Operation Lone Moon:
*Terror attack mission*
*Mike and Chris in Medbay so Tyler and Josh are called up*
-Brett: Kills Chryssalid. Snipes Zombie from across the map. Goes back to the ship and plays Dark Souls.
-Yami: Kills Chryssalid. Empties shotgun into Cyberdisk and only wounds it. Out of ammo, she kills a wounded Chryssalid with her pistol. A Chryssalid jumps out at her and she shoots it but only wounds it.
-Josh: Shoots down Cyberdisk. Chryssalid that Yami wounded kicks him in the junk and runs away.
-Tyler: Misses shot at Drone. Does THIS and only wounds Chryssalid. Throws his gun down and goes back to the ship to sulk.
-Trey: Shoots down both Drones. Wounded by Yami’s wounded Chryssalid. Instead of reloading sniper, he empties his pistol into it and kills it. Reloads sniper and kills Chryssalid. Moonwalks back to the ship.
-Keith: Gets to higher ground and asks to use his rocket launcher. Is told no. Keeps asking. Starts whining.

Operation Shattered Shroud:
*UFO landing site*
*Mike and Keith decide not to come so they can watch a James Bond marathon on TV*
-Tyler: Misses opening shot on Berserker. Literally screams out “No way that just happened!” Takes out his aggravation on a wall and the Muton behind it by shooting a rocket at it. Takes a reaction shot and kills a Muton. Kills Sectoid Commander and frees Chris from mind contol.
-Yami: Reaction shot only wounds Berserker and Muton. Runs through fire to flank Muton and kill it. Does it again. Does THIS to another Muton. Wounds Sectoid Commander.
-Chris: Kills Muton. Gives away his position when he misses shot on Muton and gets suppressed. Takes blind shot and kills suppressing Muton. Kills one Sectoid Commander but gets mind-controlled by the other one.
-Josh: Headshots Muton. Kills a depressed Muton that wanders into the no man’s land between the squad and the alien forces. Like it literally just wanders out into the open and stayed there.
-Brett: Headshots Berserker. Decides he needs more of a challenge and pulls out his pistol. Wounds two Mutons and runs out of pistol ammo. Snipes Muton and wounds Sectoid Commander.
-Matt: Panics when he sees Berserkers and hits it in the face with a rocket. When it survives, he runs screaming back to the ship. Found later in the ship’s bathroom in the fetal position.

Berserker

Week 4-

Operation Bloody Calm:
*Council mission*
-Keith: Poisoned twice early so spent the majority of the mission puking out his brains behind a dumpster, taking a break only to get shot.
-Brett: Snipes a Thin Man from distance then tops the shot by sniping another Thin Man from across the map. Ran out of ammo so he threw a rock at another Thin Man, scored a critical hit, and killed it.
-Trey: Gives Keith antibiotics. Goes to take a perfect shot then realizes he forgot to bring any bullets. Draws pictures in the dirt with his finger.
-Tyler: Shoots at Thin Man and misses but blows up half the bridge it was standing on. Thin Man gets trapped under rubble so he walks up to it and kicks it to death. Sees a Thin Man watching from some bushes so he kills it.
-Josh: Follows his training and headshots a Thin Man. Sees Keith still hurting so he heals him.
-Chris: Reaction shot during Overwatch kills a Thin Man. The cover he is hiding behind gets blown up but he doesn’t get hurt. Pulls out Arc Thrower and captures a Thin Man.

***Post mission, Argentina withdraws from the XCOM project…Fucking Argentina…***

Operation Hot Dream:
*Crash site mission*
-Chris: Smoke grenades the squad to provide cover. Shoot at Drone but misses. Notices an Outsider flanking Matt and takes it out.
-Mike: Finds a group of Mutons playing marbles and antagonizes them by screaming out the national anthem of Canada and wounds one before retreating to cover. Doesn’t know where to shoot Cyberdisk so he just shoots it in the head looking area but only wounds it. Destroys both Drones. Uses the fire from their wreckage to make everybody s’mores.
-Matt: Shoots at and misses a Muton. Gets critically wounded by Muton. Tries to shoot at Sectoid but too hurt to aim properly and misses.
-Josh: Kills wounded Muton. Doesn’t know where to shoot Cyberdisk so he just shoots it in the head looking area but only wounds it. Tired from his busy day he tries to shoot at Sectoid but yawns and misses.
-Trey: Misses Muton when it moonwalks into cover. Doesn’t know where to shoot Cyberdisk so he just shoots it in the head looking area but only critically wounds it. Heals Matt while sniping a Sectoid. Does the Cabbage Patch in celebration.
-Brett: Has Wheaties for breakfast and only brings three bullets with him. Headshots Muton. Kills Cyberdisk. Headshots Sectoid. Goes back to the ship and lights a victory cigar. Immediately throws up from the smoke.

Cyberdisc

Operation Burning Father:
*Abduction mission*
-Yami: Finds Sectoids playing with squirrels. Suppressed in cover. Runs through fire to get to better vantage point. Kills suppressing Muton. Kills Sectoid by inflicting major trauma to its genitals aka shoots it in the junk.
-Chris: Sticks to his Boy Scout routine and follows procedure to the letter. Kills Sectoid and Muton. Sees Muton hide behind a wall so he grenades it and the wall to death.
-Trey: Shot by Sectoid getting to sniper perch. Misses return fire. Ducks behind a wall to avoid more fire. Runs away. Heals himself. Tries to get back in the fight but gets shot trying to get to the perch again. Runs away. Again. Gets rattled when he is shot at twice and barely gets out of the way. Misses 5 more shots. Gets shot at but only his glasses get broken. This puts some fire in his belly and he snipes a Muton.
-Brett: Does the exact opposite of Trey and wounds a Muton and kills two others. Heals Trey while he’s running away.
-Keith: Hides behind cover but gets grenaded and his hair gets messed up. Inner ghetto queen comes out. Rockets two Mutons and wounds them. Kills one but the other runs away.
-Mike: Kills two Mutons and heals Keith. Spends the rest of the mission knitting everybody sweaters.

WEEK 3-

Operation Brutal Tears:
*First mission where all soldiers are equipped with laser weapons*
*Abduction mission*
*A-Team sent*
-Yami: Scouts ahead. Misses her first reaction shot on Muton. Blames Mike. Misses wide open shot on Floater. Blames Mike and the wind. Kills Floater that was suppressing Trey. Celebrates a little too loudly and get poisoned by a Thin Man. Wounds a Muton while on Overwatch. Sees a floater trying to run but she’s out of ammo, so she switches to her pistol and wounds it. Blames Mike.
-Trey: Misses a headshot and gives away his position. Suppressed by Floater. Second Floater flanks and shoots him. While in cover, he heals himself. Shoots off a round that magically kills a Thin Man. Spends the rest of the mission making out with his rifle.
-Keith: Grumpy because we forgot his birthday. Wounds Muton that he sees eating a sandwich. Kills Floater while it’s in the bathroom. Uses his big laser machine gun to kill a Thin Man and the wall it was hiding behind. Sees another Thin Man hiding behind a wall but he’s out of ammo so he blows it all up with a rocket. Goes around teabagging corpses.
-Tyler: Gets into a growling match with a Muton and wins when he pulls out his gun and shoots it. Yami pays him 7 alien dicks to use his rocket launcher to blow up a wall that Mike is taking cover behind. Tries to play it off by suppressing a Thin Man, but we all know he did it…
-Brett: Misses headshot on Muton. Blames a bird that distracted him. Critically wounds a Thin Man. Finds the Muton that he missed with his first shot and shoots it right in the facehole.
-Mike: Kills Floater then takes cover. Tyler blows up his cover leaving him exposed. Gets shot twice by Floaters. Runs to cover and heals. Imagines one of the Floaters is Yami and kills it then goes over and curbstomps it into paste.

 

Muton

 

Operation Hot Savior:
*Crash site mission*
*Brought along rookies for training*
-Justin: Runs off into the fog. Gets shot by Sectoid. Tries to make up for it by capturing an Outsider. Runs right up to it but his Arc Thrower gets jammed. Outsider kills him. ***K.I.A. on his third mission without ever killing anything. We won’t remember his skills but we will remember the time he just ran out into the fog and almost got Mike killed. Ass.***
-Mike: Runs after Justin. Misses first shot on Sectoid. Gets shot at but dodges. Shoots at Outsider to try to wound it so Justin can capture it but misses. Runs out of ammo covering Justin so he has to shoot at Outsider with a pistol and only wounds it. Refuses to reload assault rifle and kills a Thin Man with pistol.
-Brett: Snipes two Sectoids that surround Justin. Camps out and makes s’mores for a bit. Tries to kill a Thin Man but hands are sticky so he misses. Throws rifle on the ground and goes back to s’mores. Mmmmm s’mores.
-Trey: Tries to copy Brett and kill a Sectoid but he misses. Blames Brett’s stupid face. Throws rifle on the ground  which accidentally sets it off. Random shot ricochets a few times before killing Thin Man. Spends the rest of the mission making out with his rifle.
-Matt: Sent by Trey to capture Outsider. Runs through fire to cover. Tries to flank the Outsider but it flanks him. Dodges Outsider fire and sneaks up behind it. Captures the Outsider. For his bravery and skill, he is promoted to Heavy class.
-Josh: Walks around. Picks and flicks. For his accuracy with his booger flicks, he is promoted to Sniper class.

Operation Enduring Jester:
*Tyler at therapist’s office so newly promoted Matt joins the squad*
*Abduction mission*
-Keith: Misses first shot on a Muton but sets the car it’s hiding behind on fire. Car blows up and severely wounds Muton. Suppresses wounded Muton. Feeling invincible, he walks from cover to cover. Gets shot by Floater. Tries to kill Floater but misses.
-Yami: Misses reaction shot on Muton. Kills Keith’s wounded Muton. Avoids incoming fire while running to cover. Kills a Floater by literally shooting it in the butt. Starts dancing and gets shot. Throws a grenade between two Floaters. Kills one, wounds the other, and destroys the cover it is behind.
-Mike: Wounds Muton and starts roaring. Muton thinks WTF and gets intimidated. Kills Floater. Tries to kill another one but misses and gets shot. Kills Floater that Yami wounded.
-Matt: Tries to get to cover but gets shot by Floater. Gets to Mike’s wounded Muton and captures it. Gets shot by Floater again. Crawls to Trey who heals him. Tries to shoot Floater but misses.
-Brett: Tries to shoot a Floater from between his legs and misses. Floater laughs at him so he kills it. Tries to kill another Floater with his eyes closed and misses badly. Floater laughs at him and runs away. Headshots Floater while flipping it off.
-Trey: Stumbles onto Muton dinner party. Dodges plasma fire twice. Tries to get off a shot and hit a Muton. Misses but hits a car’s gas tank and blows it up. Running away from explosion, he dodges plasma fire twice. Hides under a car that isn’t on fire. Snipes Muton that was chasing him. Snipes a Floater THROUGH A CAR WINDOW. Lights a victory cigar. Starts coughing so he throws it away. Rolls into a gas puddle and blows up two more cars. Spends the rest of the mission making out with his rifle.

WEEK 2-

Operation Burning Dawn:
*UFO Landing Site*
*Brought along rookie Rex Wolff for training/cannon fodder purposes*
-Trey: Continues to be a sniping machine. Kills a Sectoid, dodges retaliation and snipes another one. Wounds a Floater. Not killing the Floater puts him in an existential funk and he misses his next two shots. Takes some time to sit ad reflect before getting back in the game and killing one more Sectoid.
-Brett: Woke up on the wrong side of the cot so he misses his first two shots. After getting reprimanded by his superiors he kills a Floater. Gets needlessly cocky and whiffs on his next shot. Gets booed by the team, which motivates him to kill a Sectoid. Everyone cheers…until he whiffs again.
-Yami: “Accidentally” blows up Mike’s cover and gets him shot. To cover her tracks, she kills two Floaters. She avoids getting shot twice, the second time while moving from cover to cover. Getting shot at pisses her off so she shoots a Sectoid at pointblank range with her shotgun. Volunteers to be a meat shield so Rex can capture the Outsider. Gets shot and spends the entire ride back to base making sure everyone knows how selfless she is and how painful her injury was.
-Rex: First day jitters make him miss an easy shot on a Floater. Floater gets pissed and shoots at him but he dives into cover at the last second. Successfully pulls off a “tactical retreat” (aka ran away) but gets shot as a parting gift from the Floater. Shoots at another Floater but misses again. Outsider clips him when he tries to get into position to capture it. Dodges the second shot and captures the Outsider. Starts celebrating and crotch-chopping out of cover and Floater shoots his face off until he dies then shoots some more. ***K.I.A. on his very first mission. His contribution will never be forgotten.***
-Mike: Happy to be back from an extended stay in Medbay but immediately gets shot twice. Gets to cover and heals himself. While waiting for the morphine to kick in, he gets shot again. The pain and heavy narcotics make him miss everything he shoots at, including the sky. (How he missed shooting at the sky is one of life’s unanswerable mysteries) Drags himself into cover and avoids getting hit twice. Medkit kicks in just soon enough for him to kill a Sectoid that was closing in on him.

Operation Glass Sleep:
*Tyler comes back from Medbay while Mike and Yami go back in*
*Lack of experienced soldiers forces rookies Mike Rodriguez and Justin Roberts to be inserted into squad*
-Brett: Had a good week’s sleep. Put in a leadership position because of seniority and surprisingly does a great job. Dodges all incoming fire and headshots a Sectoid, Thin Man, and Floater. Allowed to eat 2 cookies back at base for good work.
-Trey: Missed a wide open shot on a Sectoid. Gets jealous of Brett’s amazing hit percentage and shoots off another round but only wounds a Sectoid. Ducks into cover to avoid retaliation shot. While sucking pavement, notices a rookie is bleeding out so he crawls over and stabilizes him. Maternal instincts kick in and he headshots a Floater while screaming Justin’s name.
-Tyler: Goes lone wolf and ignores order to stay with the group. Avoids getting shot twice by carefully picking cover. Kills a Sectoid and decides to take its genitals as a souvenir. Tries to get clever with a Thin Man but gets poisoned. Kills the Thin Man for having the nerve to spit on him. Continues to ghost from cover to cover dodging fire. Wounds a Floater and taunts it before killing it. Comes back to base with a bag full of alien dicks. Command removes him from active duty and suggests keeping an eye out for any further psychopathic tendencies.
-Justin: Panics as soon as he exits the Skyranger and shoots wildly into the air which gives away his position. Everyone else leaves him behind so they can finish the mission. Thin Man shoots him so he runs blindly towards the rest of the group. Walks right into no man’s land between two Thin Men and gets shoot again and starts to bleed out. -MRod: Gets off the Skyranger. Takes 3 2/3 steps, gets shot, and dies. Squad reports that Sarah McLachlan’s hit “In the Arms of an Angel” started playing from somewhere. ***K.I.A. after not even four steps. His contribution was negligible.***

 

 

Floater

 

Operation Cursed Grave:
*Terror mission*
*First mission with a squad full of vets in a long time*
-Keith: Joints are stiff from not being in the field in a while so he misses his first shot on a Floater. Gets warmed up and kills the Floater. Climbs a building to get to higher ground and scout out alleyway. Spots a Zombie coming and wounds it before running out of ammo.
-Yami: Made the perfect mission playlist while in Medbay. Uses the motivation it provides to kill a Floater and wound a Chrysalid. Runs away from Chrysalid while yelling “SAY HI TO YOUR MOM FOR ME BITCH!” at it. This confuses the Chrysalid which gives her enough time to kill it. A Floater tries to be cute by sneaking up and shooting at her from right above her head. The playlist saves her life by getting to the really good part of “Another Night Another Dream” and making her dance her ass off. Mad at the Floater for ruining her dance, she kills it, then goes back to dancing.
-Mike: Kills a Floater as soon as he gets off the Skyranger. Chrysalids really gross him out so he only wounds one instead of killing it. Gets even more weirded out by a Zombie and misses it. Tries to make up for it by headshotting the zombie with his last bullet but only manages to wound it.
-Brett: Runs around in circles screaming “Eye of the tiger!” Kills a Chrysalid then goes right back to running in circles screaming.
-Trey: Dealing with feelings of inferiority to Brett. Decides to call his therapist in the middle of the mission and misses an easy reaction shot. This just compounds his feelings of inadequacy and makes him miss another shot on a Chrysalid. Talk with therapist increases him self-esteem enough for him to kill a Zombie with a critical hit.
***This is the first mission where no one was injured afterwards. Back at base everybody had cake except for Tyler who said he wanted pie and locked himself in his room until someone made a run to the store and bought him one which he ate with his hands and refused to share.***

Operation Red Fall:
*Abduction mission*
*Squad size upgraded to 6 slots. Tyler allowed back to active duty as long as he stays with Mike the whole time and stops bringing back alien dicks.*
-Yami: Names herself the leader of the group and takes off without any sort of plan. Misses a reaction shot. Gets suppressed behind cover. Ignores advice to stay put and let squad help her out. Jumps out and takes a pot shot at a Floater but misses. Moves to better cover and shoots at Sectoid but misses again. Cries in frustration. Aliens see this and laugh at her which pisses her off. She goes on a shooting spree and kills a Thin Man and Sectoid. No one ever laughs at her again.
-Brett: Misses his first shot on a Floater but kills it with the second. Sectoid makes the mistake of trying to surprise him with candy and gets shot in the face. Sees Keith injured so he runs over and heals him while softly singing “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire.
-Tyler: Blows up 2 Sectoids and half the building they were hiding in with his rocket launcher. Mike takes away his rocket launcher and gives him an Arc Thrower to minimize the damage he can do. Tries to stun a Thin Man but he misses…twice…because “it doesn’t go boom loud enough!” While he’s complaining he gets shot by a Sectoid.
-Mike: Tries to curve his bullets around cover to hit a Thin Man but he misses. Gets shot and misses retaliation shot. Rolls out of the way of two shots but ends up right next to a car as it explodes. Survives because of his Canadian hardiness. Heals himself twice. About to heal himself a third time, but sees Tyler get hit so he crawls over and heals him. They spend the rest of the mission napping under a car.
-Trey: Full of self-confidence he kills the first Floater he sees. Overconfident, he misses the next three shots. Dodges a Sectoid shot and heals Mike. Out of ammo and with nothing to lose, he uses a pistol…and scores a critical hit on a Sectoid.
-Keith: Continuing his reign of badassness, he kills a Thin Man and a Floater before getting hit moving to cover. Resorts to his favorite tactic, overkill, he uses a rocket to kill the Sectoid that Trey injured and blows up the other half of the building.

Operation Flying Hammer:
*Crash site mission*
*Mike in Medbay*
*Easy mission so 3 rookies were brought along to get real world experience (Josh, Justin, and Matt)*
-Yami: Checks her nails and stands around making fierce model faces.
-Keith: Killed a sectoid that Matt missed. Jumped in front of Matt to save him and got shot twice. Killed one of his attackers and avoids the fire of the other one. Sneaks up on the Outsider and kills him.
-Brett: Has a case of the runs so comes out of the Skyranger a little while after everyone else. Camps out on a hill with a Snickers bar and snipes three sectoids.
-Justin: Photographs Yami’s impromptu modeling session. Brings her water. Cleans her gun.
-Josh: Brings Brett some Pepto then runs through gunfire to heal Keith.
-Matt: Voted most aloof rookie. Misses Sectoid from point blank range and gets Keith shot. Wounds a Sectoid by calling it fat and throwing a rock at it.

 

[Just a quick heads up, because this is my first time playing any XCOM game ever, I started with the tutorial enabled.]

My starting squad consisted of Keith Chima(who survived the intro mission and was promoted to Heavy), Yamilia Avendaño, Mike Eaton, and Brett McLeod.

WEEK 1-

Operation Driving Heat:
-Keith: Excited by his new rocket launcher. 2 Sectoids hide in a building so he blows up the whole block to kill them.
-Mike: Runs around. A lot. Kills a Sectoid and gets promoted to Support.
-Yami: Forgets she has a gun. Doesn’t forget to get into cover after getting shot at. Doesn’t get hit.
-Brett: Literally just stands around looking fabulous in his magenta armor.

Sectoids

Operation Driving Serpent:
-Brett: Decided to prove his worth by finding and injuring Thin Man and Sectoid. Is told to stop screwing around and kill something so he kills a Thin Man. His annoyingly bright armor gets him shot at by a second Thin Man but he combat rolls out of the way.
-Mike: Is annoyed by Brett not finishing off injured aliens so he kills the Thin Man and Sectoid.
-Yami: Gets poisoned by Thin Man spit and panics. During her freak out, she starts shooting at Mike but misses. Finally over her hysterics, she gets it together in time to kill a Sectoid with a grenade and headshot a Thin Man.
-Keith: Tries to get the jump on a Sectoid but gets shot before he can kill it. While sneaking from cover to cover while injured, he is shot again by a Thin Man.

A Thin Man

Operation Driving Line:
*crashed UFO mission*
-Keith: Decides there is no such thing as overkill as blows up a Sectoid and the tree it was behind with his rocket launcher. While Yami distracts an Outsider, he kills it…hard.
-Mike: Wounds a Sectoid then just relaxes the rest of the mission.
-Yami: Kills Mike’s wounded Sectoid as an apology for shooting at him. Gets ambushed by Outsider but survives. Getting shot has the effect of making her not able to shoot anything.
-Brett: Gets shot trying to get to a good vantage point but gets revenge by taking a page out of Keith’s book and grenading the lone Sectoid shooter.

Outsiders

Operation Empty Moon:
*Brett is recovering in the Medbay so the rookie, Tyler Humphrey, gets called up to the majors*
*VIP mission*
-Tyler: The overexcited newbie kills the Thin Man he is sent to capture but he makes up for it by dodging gunfire to capture a Sectoid.
-Mike: Turns into an all around badass. Kills a Sectoid and Thin Man. When he tries to sneak up on another one, he gets spotted and shot, but kills his attacker. He is told to heal Yami but he remembers that she shot him, so he just heals himself.
-Keith: Took in the sights and sounds and kicked a rock around.
-Yami: Saves the VIP and gets shot escorting him to safety. Sent back to guard the Skyranger so she doesn’t die.
*rewarded for saving the VIP with Trey Highland, sniper extraordinarre*

Operation Black Shroud:
*Mike’s “recovering” in the Medbay, so Trey joins the squad*
*Brett taps in for Yami while she taps out to go to the Medbay*
-Trey: Has an immediate impact by sniping an offending Sectoid from across the map. Kills 2 more Sectoids he comes across. Then, just to show off, pulls off another impossible shot from across the map.
-Keith: Learns how to suppress Sectoid but is careless and gets shot. Gets his head out of his ass and kills 2 Sectoids from behind a train. Starts getting cocky again and is shot again while trying to get into cover.
-Brett: Starts a sniper duel with Sectoid, where he gets hit, but kills the Sectoid. The Sectoid’s backup shoots at him multiple times but he dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges out of the way.
-Tyler: Tries to be a hero again and capture a Sectoid but he sucks so he misses. His suckiness gets him shot twice. Through some divine intervention, he somehow kills a Sectoid.

Will Trey continue to be a badass sniper? Will Keith, Mike, and Yami recover from their injuries? Will Brett’s magenta armor keep giving him supernatural dodging abilities? Will Tyler continue sucking ass and being just lucky enough to stay alive? (Hopefully not). Will someone die and open up a slot of for the other Twinfinite staff? Be sure to check back often for answers and the continuing adventures of TWINFINITE IN SPACE (on Earth).

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About Author

(Associate Editor)

Hi! I'm the Managing Editor here at Twinfinite. I'm more than a little bit crazy but I'm great at hiding it. When I'm not gaming on XBL (Muazimus Prime) or PSN (MuazimusPrime), you can find me reading mountains of comic books or watching an obscene amount of movies. I LOVE the Mass Effect series and can't be your friend if you don't love it too.

  • MikeEaton

    All I’m going to say about this is: Never count out an old guy.

    Phenomenal article, Muaz.

  • IamJeffGoldblum

    Its like mating with a dragon and giving birth to America

  • http://twitter.com/MrMikeEaton Mike Eaton

    That header picture is going to be the wallpaper on my home computer.

  • Tyler Humphrey

    I continue to be the funktrain your posse needs.

    • MikeEaton

      I wish I were 1/10 as manly in real life as I am in Muaz’s XCOM playthrough.

  • LawofTD

    Fetal position. Always.

  • Jayborino

    WHY AM I NOT ON THIS TEAM IM NOT COOL ENOUGH I GET IT THATS FINE MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK OF OTHER PEOPLES FEELINGS BEFORE YOU JUST PLAY THEM LIKE A CHEAP GAME OF CHUTES AND LADDERS WELL ITS MOSTLY THE LADDERS FOR ME ESPECIALLY THAT HUGE LADDER THATS ONE SPACE FROM THE FINISH THAT TAKES YOU ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START

    • Jayborino

      Oh wait, I think I meant chutes. You can climb the ladders up.

    • MikeEaton

      You were on this team. I think you ate it on your first mission. If it’s any consolation, I still carry your tooth around in a locket that I wear. Your tooth was all we could recover of you — you got really f—d up!

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