[Staff Featurama] What’s YOUR Game?

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I’ll come right out and admit it, I’m not that good at games. Most of the time I play on Easy because I can’t be bothered to deal with the hassle of having to restart sections. I will however say that I have nothing to prove to you young whippersnappers because I grew up in the 80s…the era of ‘Nintendo Hard’ games. I’ve paid my dues, and I actually finished most of those tough games that people nowadays only talk about.

We’ve all got that one game in which we just kick ass. Here’s our amazing staff to tell you what games you should NEVER challenge them at.

 

 

 

I think I could probably still beat the original Metroid Prime with 100% collection and scans in one sitting straight from memory. I’m not a sequence breaking speed runner, but I just get in this flow of being able to blaze through, even on Hard Mode, and somehow have a special place in my brain for where all the items are and what routes are the best to take when backtracking for them. Biggest hold ups are probably Thardus, Meta Ridley, and having to re-traverse the Phazon Mines for the stupid artifact. With the Wii trilogy version, I wonder if I could lower my time by a lot, since you can independently aim and move. Future Let’s Play plan: engage!

 

 

 

Regardless of what game you’re playing, if you can have an overall record of 87-3, it’s safe to say that you’re the king of the mountain. That was my record in Madden 08 but in the hundreds, if not thousands, of games since then I haven’t lost more than a handful of games and they haven’t been by more than a field goal. I’ve even taken to taunting my opponents by saying that I was a designer on the game or that it’s an autobiographical game based on my life. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been challenged by anybody and it’s starting to get a bit boring. If you think you have the mental fortitude to stay in a game with the champ, feel free to add Muazimus Prime on XBL. Just remember, like Omar said in The Wire, “Come at the king, you best not miss.”

UPDATE: But! Before Madden there was another.

Not a sports game, shooter, or a rpg but a simple platformer on Game Boy. I never loved this game but it loved me. It opened up all its secret places and spilled out its soul. That game was Kirby’s Dream Land. Over the course of a winter break I got good enough to burn through the game in about an hour or two. Like that one love that you never appreciated until they left, my adventures in Dream Land were tragically cut short when my little sister decided that she just HAD to see if my Game Boy was waterproof. I love you Kirby. Please come home……

 

 

 

It’s time to shed my modesty. I have one thing that I am honestly way better at than anyone I know.

Building penii in Minecraft. Be it my server, your server, your friend’s server, or even your mom’s server; nothing can stop me from building any number of increasingly larger phalluses. Let’s be real, it’s only because anything I can build is horrible and uncreative, but if you want a giant, lava-spewing Johnson in your server, you know who to call.

Also, I wreck faces at Rock Band Blitz. I’m in the top 100 of many, many songs and can even call myself number 1 on a few.

 

 

 

You know this is a bit of a silly thing for me. I mostly game single player games, because I play to relax by myself. So asking me what I’m the best at is silly. I could state I’m the best at playing a Final Fantasy game, but c’mon. I absolutely can claim that I’m the best North American Phantom Breaker player, but since nobody else has a copy of it, that doesn’t mean much.

Otherwise, I’m delightfully mediocre at games. Not bad enough to embarrass myself, but nowhere near unbeatable. I fully recognize hubris and I’m not about to make a fool of myself by stating I’m amazing at King of Fighters when realistically I can tune in to Evo and watch somebody who makes me look absolutely noobish. This is the Internet; bold claims of kicking ass need to be backed up.

So, I guess I’m going to rely on the game that always makes me smile and feel good: Ice Hockey on the NES. This is a game I’ve been playing most my life and I’m much better than the people I’ve always played against. I love the music, the animations and every little detail about that game so much that I just zone in while playing it.

I might not be the best at this, but I am better than anybody I know at Ice Hockey. It is most certainly MY game.

 

 

 

As long as we’re throwing all false modesty out of the window, I would have to say my niche lies with music games and fighters.

I’ve been playing a number of different instruments since middle school and I, like most children, wanted to be in a band. The first Guitar Hero gave me that opportunity through the television and I spent countless hours trying to perfect every song on expert in order to please this virtual audience consisting of people who all looked and moved alike. I didn’t mind. I then moved on to games like Rock Band and realized while I may be a swell guitarist, I am no drummer. While I mostly play actual guitar now, I will still pick up the plastic one and sit down for a few hours just to relive my band career. It never ends in groupies.

My next forte is fighters; the genre I’ve literally grown up with. My first experience with fighting games was with the notorious Mortal Kombat when I was about 3 or 4. We had it on SNES, so I never really saw anything too graphic, but the adrenaline and the competition was still there. I remember always picking Scorpion while my brother was more of a Sub-Zero kinda guy, and we would play as long as we could, though we never did make it past Goro. The latest Mortal Kombat has had me constantly coming back and replaying and learning almost every combo a character can have is quite satisfying when you’re playing with people who aren’t so experienced. Tekken is another game I’ve managed to pick up rather quickly and easily. Not Street Fighter, though. I’m terrible at that.

 

 

 

Personally I’m not very big on playing games online so I’ll rarely actually have a true test of skill. In fact, it wasn’t until recently that I discovered the genre I was really good at is also the one I obsess over: Strategy games. Who knew? I’ve annihilated every Twinfiknight that challenges me to Civilization V. Not to mention how my cavemen rush completely destroyed Rex at Empire Earth. I don’t even know why they tried. It doesn’t stop there though, it includes tycoon and God games, too. My theme parks make it rain.

I think it’s the total control over everything, you know? I…. I need help.

 

 

 

Growing up in the 1980s meant I was a child of the arcade. Every mall I went to, I would immediately scope out the nearest arcade, make change for my allowance, and spend as much time as I could playing games and (even better) watching amazing players dominate. Over the years, I’ve managed to ‘one-quarter’ a few games. Kung Fu Master was one, as was Tron. My crowning achievement as an arcade gamer however, besides managing to successfully stay away from the local hash dealer, is one-quartering Shinobi.

Shinobi is a series that pops up every now and then, and it was one of the Sega Master System’s early hits. The arcade version however, was the standout. You play as a ninja who fights a legion of thugs, ninjas, and helicopters (?) in order to save kids…or something. You know what, who cares? You are a ninja who has throwing stars. Anyway, this was a game that was right in my wheelhouse and it was popular enough to be in most arcades. One of my favorite memories as a 13 year old supernerd was beating the last level of Shinobi with a crowd of older kids watching me do it. Hell, I think the hash dealer was watching too. It’s been 22 years since I last played an arcade cabinet of Shinobi, but I’ll bet I could STILL kick your ass at it.

We’d like you to join in the discussion, so please leave a comment and tell us what YOUR game is. Brag away, and stay fierce gamers!

 

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About Author

(Senior Writer)

Born in 1844, I bring a lot of gaming experience to the table. In my day-job, I work for a public library which carries, amongst other formats, video games. I'm very interested in observing and documenting the growing pains this industry is experiencing as it is dragged kicking and screaming towards something resembling maturity. Join me!

  • muazimusprime

    I’m disgusted and appalled that you would use a picture of a Seahawks player as the header for my section but I’ll forgive you for being very good looking and being Canadian (thus not knowing the TRUE rules of football. 150 yards, 5 downs and 13 for a 1st??? Pshaw I say).

    • MikeEaton

      You’re right, I should have used an Edmonton Eskimos player instead. :)

  • Martin Brentnall

    These games come to mind:

    Bubble Bobble – I finished the game without losing a life, but only the
    Commodore 64 version, which was easier than the arcade version and some
    of the other ports. It was still a tough game though.

    Treasures Of Montezuma Blitz – I’ve finished in 6th place on the Global Leaderboard once.

    Ordyne – No one will have heard of this game. It’s a Japanese arcade shoot-em-up from 1989 half way between R-Type and Parodius on the “serious vs. silly” scale. I can reach the final stage on a single life and it’s one of the very few arcade games I can actually finish. It took me a lot of practice and I had a huge crowd standing around watching when I finally beat it. :)

    Rayman Origins – I platinum’d the game in three days. I only mention this because most
    people seem to think this game is difficult to platinum for some reason (the difficulty rating on PS3Trophies is 8/10).
    I didn’t really find any of the game particularly difficult.

  • Karutomaru

    I’m Viewtiful Joe’s #1 fan. I beat every game on V-rated mode and Red Hot Rumble to 100%.

    I can actually pick up on a lot of games and kick ass if I’m given enough time with it.

  • Eduardo Farias

    I’m here because of Shinobi.

    I share a very similar experience as Mike Eaton in my arcade days, playing Shinobi, Raygar, Ninja Gaiden/Ninja Master, Last Resort, A.S.O, and Snow brothers as my favorite games.

    But Shinobi surely top them all.

    I’m not very good playing Shinobi, But “watching amazing players dominate” i saw a guy who got ALL stage bonus, (no shuriken, only melee or wipe-screen magic. Except bosses, of course, and the FPS bonus) even on 4-2. We called him Goul-Dar, that one from Power Rangers.

    Who don’t remember the 1st time we made a Haduken? No Mastercard can buy that!

    • MikeEaton

      Damn right. I was never as good as the person you’re describing — I wish I could have seen him play though. Lots of the games you describe are very familiar as well. Man, I miss arcades. I actually feel for younger people who have missed out on them.

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